3 Things You Need to Be Suc'SEX'ful

When it comes to relationship success it’s no secret that sex is an important ingredient in the recipe. Yet many men and women report varying levels of sexual satisfaction as the relationship goes on. According to Great Good article people are having less sex than in prior years. Whether or not this a problem all depends on how you look at it. With sex seemingly everywhere what has become apparent is that whether people are having as much as they would like or not, when you do have it, everyone wants it to be enjoyable. Yet over the years of my empirical observations for many often it’s not. So here are 3 things that you should consider in order to have a more sucSexful relationship.

Sex Re-education - 101

Most of the education about the birds and the bees was unclear for many people. Like to this day I still don’t know how the “Birds & Bees” became the universal sex education metaphor for sex. So what we learned was often clinical and anatomy based. This is great, except it often just doesn’t translate into satisfaction. Learning what you like is a starting part in sex re-ED as I call it. Taking time to explore what truly turns you on and off. Most early sex education was laced with shame, guilt and condemnation. As a result, many carry this forward into adulthood. So the main key in sex-reEducation is to take time to release any and all sexual judgements you may be harboring like shame or disgust at your natural desires. This is important to be free to be able to enjoy your very natural human sexual desire.

Foreplay All DAY

There is no bigger misunderstanding between the genders that what puts the other in the mood. Biologically adult men have on average, about 7 to 8 times more testosterone, which is known as the sex hormone, as adult women have. So that means it appears men are often “in the mood” sooner and more often than women. For illustration men are like a gas stove, all you have to do is turn the dial and it’s hot. Women are more like a pot of water, on the stove, she has to reach 212 degrees to be boiling hot. So to offset this foreplay should start long before the bedroom. Men are often turned on visually. Women are often turned on mentally. So take the time to share passion through notes, sexy texts, non-sexual touching or surprisingly doing chores together. Having a partner who helps arounds the house or with chores like vacuuming or dishes is a major turn on for women.

Sexy Surprises

It is so easy to get into to a routine. Routines make our lives easier and more predictable, yet when it comes to our sex lives routine can quickly put a damper on it. It is important to make time for physical intimacy if you are in a relationship, but don’t be scared to mix it up a little. If there is a standard build up to the bedroom, go ahead break the pattern every now and again. You don’t have to become a pro at the Kama Sutra in order to spice things up. Change up who gets it started, if you are woman try initiating sex, most of the time due to conditioning men often are the initiators. Enjoy a morning or afternoon tryst. Again we all love a little variety in our lives so go ahead and add a little surprise of your own to spice up your sex life.

Share some other ways that can help people become ‘SucSEXful’!!

The Mis-Education of Men on Love

Bunnies and BS

It’s Easter Sunday and as I reflect on all that God has done for me, my soul is grateful and thinking about relationships!! Particularly the 1st relationship in the word, Adam and Eve. I know it’s not a resurrection story, but roll with me, because I trust it will help Powerhouse Women and the Men that LOVE US, break down communication barriers and build AMAZING relationships. So I was listening to a minister last week and his message was ‘Healing the Hebrew’. The title gave me pause but because I had agreed to listen to it, I did. It quickly became a sermon on relationships. Though the scripture was familiar, God put Adam into a deep sleep and took a rib to create EVE, the point was foreign. The message was cloaked in concern, filled with misogyny and wrapped in the general mis-education of men when it comes to love and relationships. The former, Sunday School ‘Teacher of the Year’ in me, has listened to men over the years preach this passage but this time something gnawed at my soul. At some point in his message the preacher was expressing to women if our relationships are to be restored, Shirley Brown, “Woman to Woman” lyrics were a model for the type of woman she should strive to be. I would have probably let it go, if women who were in relationships under this type of teaching were thrilled, or if the divorce rate wasn’t hovering at 50% with it being even higher in the church. Not to mention that over 70% of all divorces filed, are by WOMEN to the surprise of the husband, who usually has NO IDEA that the woman was unhappy, let alone planning to leave him.

Doing the LEAST

With tears in my eyes I asked God what are we missing? Because it has become apparently clear to me, that though men have the microphone, they legit have no idea how to LOVE a woman the way women want to be loved. Worse is that beyond SEX and MONEY, they are not taught what they should be prepared to bring to a relationship in no concrete terms. Through no fault of their own, cause the preacher said that he WAS NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT WHAT MEN SHOULD BE DOING IN THE RELATIONSHIP, because it’s hard out in the world for a Black Man and women need to understand that and not put demands on them.

Sunday School Revisited

Oftentimes the sermons that start with Adam and his rib end with how women are the blame for everything from the breakdown of the family, the lack of men who are faithful and global warming. Yet according to Genesis 5:2 contrary to popular preaching the Bible says male and female were created at the SAME TIME. So I asked God if male and female were created at the same time why is the story of Adam and Eve translated in this way. Here is the divine download I got regarding that. The only thing God made that he said was not good was that Man be alone. So in essence woman was the DIVINE ANSWER. EVE came forth fully provided for, she had no problems because she was the solution. God said that I pulled her from Man to show him that INSIDE of him is WOMAN. There has only been ONE WOMAN on EARTH to come from a man if you believe the story, however, EVERYONE else, including the Savior whose resurrection we are celebrating, came from a WOMAN. In fact all human beings start as female, it is why MEN have NIPPLES. The wholeness of a person is their ability to appreciate and see the value in all aspects of their being. Men demonstrate the power of masculine energy and in relationship with a woman men learn the power of his feminine essence. When the energies are split or not honored destruction is imminent. When Eve was removed from Adam what happened? With the feminine essence disconnected from the masculine element and acting on it’s own BOTH of them MADE POOR DECISIONS that went against the instruction of GOD. MESSAGE here is that disconnected from the full power available within us, feminine and masculine energy, we are ALL prone to cause pain and bring harm. When we see someone making purely EMOTIONAL decisions this is obvious, and the same is true with purely LOGICAL decisions too. It was a logical decision that the collapsed the economy, it was logic that led us to wars that can’t be won, it’s logic that causes men to adopt relationship instruction from MEN who proudly admit that they DON’T understand WOMEN.

Masculinity + Femininity = Divinity

Understand that together masculine energy + feminine energy is the epitome of divinity. Both internally and externally this is shown. Men and women can look into each others eyes and say “Let us make man in our own image” or you want to go half on a baby? Either way the model of how powerful we are together is still undeniable. The popular yet twisted narrative that suggest women were created to serve a man is ridiculous, everyone has a contribution to make in order that we all become the persons that God has created us to be. Society has stripped men of the right to express any emotions besides, ANGER and AROUSAL. Yet we are surprised that sexual assault is a thing and men seem to be more prone to it. It’s unnatural to not feel or to be connected to the power that was given by God. Women are often the emotional proxy for men, which enable him to feel safe enough through a woman’s care, concern, support and encouragement to FEEL and tap into that power alongside of his logic.

Where’s My Rib

There are plenty of women who are ready willing and looking forward to being in a great relationship - who will happily SUBMIT to her man. The difference is that Powerhouse women are looking for men as partners. Not men who demand submission because he has “breath and britches” as my granny says. When women couldn’t earn a livable wage, purchase a home without a man’s signature or ensure her own economic survival, marriage was her ticket. So she learned to be quiet, and how to cater to a man and go along to get along, which was smart. Now that gender slavery is no longer the case in the US, more than ever before we must learn how to LOVE and be LOVED by each other. For the men that are willing to learn how to LOVE a woman, he gets to look forward to a great woman, higher income, better earning potential, health and longevity. According to the statistics, God’s original plan for relationships is actually still working for men, women really are a helpmeet. For the men who refuse, or insist that women are crazy because they don’t understand them or worst think his penis and paychecks should be more than enough to keep a woman happy, will find himself in a fit of continual frustration, routinely failing at relationship and marriage, not to mention broke. Because, it is still cheaper to keep her.

I’m curious what did Church teach you about how to LOVE a woman?

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Happy Resurrection Day!!