What Women Need Instead of a Husband...

Today according the US Census over 45.2% of all people in the United States are Single. The highest in the history of the nation and more and more people are choosing the single life. For those that do venture down the path of “I do” over 50% of those marriages are ending amicably or horribly in divorce, with almost 70% of all those divorces being filed by WOMEN. How can this be is what the engineer in me immediately asked. Then it dawned on me. For centuries marriage was touted to women as an insurance policy against homelessness, childlessness and starvation. A woman’s survival strategy was to find a MAN who would marry her and be able to protect her from harm, put a roof over her head, put food on the table and give her his last name so her children wouldn’t be bastards and shunned by society. Seemed like a good setup and it worked for centuries. In exchange for a man being a husband, the woman was to perform the duties of being a wife. She would cook, clean, care for the children, provide all of the emotional support for the family, obey him (marriage vows used to say this) and be expected to put the needs of the family ahead of her own. So the Housewife relationships model (HW Model) was born as I dubbed it. Husband’s had very clear duties and everything that didn’t involve fixing broken things, cars, and outside was the woman’s role.

This is NOT HELP

Fast forward to the 21st Century where both men and women are working outside of the home. Children have schedules that rival any adult and the laundry and feedings still need to happen. Many women still feel it’s her responsibility to handle all of the duties performed by traditional housewives on top of a 50-80hr work week, and are literally crumbling under the invisible workload. Many women start in with this exhausting narrative cause she is trying to live up to the definition of a “good wife” and her husband is often oblivious to the fact that the woman he loves dearly is literally ready to collapse due to exhaustion and the overwhelm of never feeling like she can keep up. Yet if he is paying the bills, fixing broke stuff and ensure the doors are locked he feels pretty good about his job as a husband. Yet it’s the limitation and expectations of husband and wife for that matter that could use updating. So instead of a husband in title only what she sincerely needs and desires is a partner. Husbands often see themselves as “helping” when they choose to wash dishes or perform duties that according to the housewife model are the wife’s duties. A partner understands that washing dishes that you ate off of, or vacuuming the carpet at your house isn’t help, it’s a part of maintaining a home. Husbands often see taking care of their children as babysitting. Partners understand that taking care of children that carry half of your DNA is another word for parenting. Husbands unbeknownst to them are often considered by their wives as burdens instead of reliefs. Wives ofter express having a husband is like having another child, this is not a compliment. Switching from the mindset of ‘helping” to “partnering” is the hallmark of the “Power Couple Model”. Husbands are trained “Happy Wife Happy Life” as if his happiness is irrelevant and he doesn’t actually know how to make her happy. Partners understand they are responsible for their own happiness and together they can create a Happy Home and a Happy Marriage. Vacuuming is a turn on to many women because there is something sexy about being supported instead of taken for granted. Also to be fair women also are invited to relax those ‘Leave it To Beaver’ home aesthetics expectations. Your home could be immaculate at all times if you hire help, otherwise don’t pressure yourself to keep up a perfect home and the expense of the peace in the house. Partnering could be the difference between a Happy Home or a home that is headed for a premature divorce. What good is being husband and wife in title only to be trapped in a relationship where one person feels like the help, is ready to escape or staying cause husbands know it’s cheaper to keep her?

Everybody’s definition of partnering may look differently so communication still rules- just ask!! What’s one thing that would make a husband a better partner? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!!!


3 Things You Need to Be Suc'SEX'ful

When it comes to relationship success it’s no secret that sex is an important ingredient in the recipe. Yet many men and women report varying levels of sexual satisfaction as the relationship goes on. According to Great Good article people are having less sex than in prior years. Whether or not this a problem all depends on how you look at it. With sex seemingly everywhere what has become apparent is that whether people are having as much as they would like or not, when you do have it, everyone wants it to be enjoyable. Yet over the years of my empirical observations for many often it’s not. So here are 3 things that you should consider in order to have a more sucSexful relationship.

Sex Re-education - 101

Most of the education about the birds and the bees was unclear for many people. Like to this day I still don’t know how the “Birds & Bees” became the universal sex education metaphor for sex. So what we learned was often clinical and anatomy based. This is great, except it often just doesn’t translate into satisfaction. Learning what you like is a starting part in sex re-ED as I call it. Taking time to explore what truly turns you on and off. Most early sex education was laced with shame, guilt and condemnation. As a result, many carry this forward into adulthood. So the main key in sex-reEducation is to take time to release any and all sexual judgements you may be harboring like shame or disgust at your natural desires. This is important to be free to be able to enjoy your very natural human sexual desire.

Foreplay All DAY

There is no bigger misunderstanding between the genders that what puts the other in the mood. Biologically adult men have on average, about 7 to 8 times more testosterone, which is known as the sex hormone, as adult women have. So that means it appears men are often “in the mood” sooner and more often than women. For illustration men are like a gas stove, all you have to do is turn the dial and it’s hot. Women are more like a pot of water, on the stove, she has to reach 212 degrees to be boiling hot. So to offset this foreplay should start long before the bedroom. Men are often turned on visually. Women are often turned on mentally. So take the time to share passion through notes, sexy texts, non-sexual touching or surprisingly doing chores together. Having a partner who helps arounds the house or with chores like vacuuming or dishes is a major turn on for women.

Sexy Surprises

It is so easy to get into to a routine. Routines make our lives easier and more predictable, yet when it comes to our sex lives routine can quickly put a damper on it. It is important to make time for physical intimacy if you are in a relationship, but don’t be scared to mix it up a little. If there is a standard build up to the bedroom, go ahead break the pattern every now and again. You don’t have to become a pro at the Kama Sutra in order to spice things up. Change up who gets it started, if you are woman try initiating sex, most of the time due to conditioning men often are the initiators. Enjoy a morning or afternoon tryst. Again we all love a little variety in our lives so go ahead and add a little surprise of your own to spice up your sex life.

Share some other ways that can help people become ‘SucSEXful’!!