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6 Signs He's A Serial HeartBreaker

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He says the right thing, his text-back game is killer, he asks you out on proper dates (no Netflix and “chill”) and he’s exactly how you pictured your perfect mate would be. But in the back of your mind, in the hidden cracks of your psyche – your spidey senses are tingling. You know he’s delicious, but he smells too good to be true.

Wave away some of that fairy dust and take a quick assessment before you start planning your tropical baecation. Watch out for these telltale signs he’s not ready to settle down.

He’s Fresh Out

Ask him when his last relationship was. If it was anytime in the last year, you might want to ease up just a tad. It’s common to feel “over” a relationship, especially when it ended amicably. But giving proper time to breathe out an old lover is important for self-care. A man who gives himself time to grieve before he gets back out there is healthy and less likely to be trying to fill an old position with a new hire.

Baby On Board

Yep, sometimes the ex turns up pregnant. Sometimes you meet a man who has recently become a single father. Dating single parents if great, if you’re open to children. But dating a man who is the father to a brand new baby may be something you want to steer clear of. Despite how together he may seem, new parenthood is unpredictable and often complicated. Stay supportive from a distance and let him find his footing as a dad before getting involved.

Doesn’t Open Doors

It may seem awfully traditional, but no matter how sweet and sensitive a man is – if he can’t get the door, he’s missing a very important social component. As independent as women are today, plenty of men say they aren’t sure how to handle the door situation. Are women too self-sufficient to let a man tend to her? Maybe. But he should at least make an attempt to try. Pay attention to manners – social graces are a sign of maturity.

Ladies In Waiting

Nothing wrong with having friends of all genders, but be weary of the man with groupies. If he has women constantly fussing over him, he could be the type to need consistent confirmation or the kind of man who seeks approval from women. It’s not a guarantee that he’s a dog if he has a lot of female admirers (after all, he caught your eye didn’t he?) but, be sure it’s circumstantial and not by design before committing to Mr. Popularity.

Pencils You In

If baby boy is a card carrying Gen X’er or Millennial man, he’s probably just as busy as you are building his empire. With two varying yet equally important schedules finding time for courtship can be quite the challenge. It’s important to remember that men like to pursue, as much as women like to be pursued (not to be confused with playing hard to get).  If he can’t find the time to actually date you, be clear that you are looking for an activity partner, not a text buddy. If he’s interested in something real, he’ll step up his game. If not – you dodged a very busy bullet.

Lovers On Rotation

At some point during the discovery period that age-old conversation about ex’s should arise. When it does, keep your ears perked for signs that he has a set dating pattern. Does he always fall fast and then back-peddle? Does he only date a certain type of women but it never works out? Are you that same type? Of course we’ve all been raised not to judge – but sometimes it’s important to pay attention to someone’s history. If they have a set dating pattern, then chances are you know how this plays out.

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Let's Discuss: Would You Date Your Friend's Ex?

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For as long as I could remember the rules and regulations for friendships of any gender banned the practice of dating someone’s ex. But have you ever wondered why? Why isn’t it okay for us to find love in our friend’s former lover? This was one of the many topics that had us on the edge of our seats at the last Dessert & Discussion in Twin Cities earlier this month.

Now I’m not saying you should go scouting out the past lovers of your friends or lay in wait hoping for the demise of their relationship so you can capitalize on lost lovers. What I am saying is, what if your soul-mate is your friend’s ex? Or what if your ex is the lover that is destined to make your friend’s love life complete. Why would the fact that either one of us has history be the thing to stop that?

A progressive-minded brotha and sista at the last Dessert & Discussion challenged the possessiveness of the audience by stating simply – “you don’t own people”. The truth rang in the air for a moment kind of humbling everyone before we snapped back into reality. What if you don’t want to see your ex booed up with your bestie? Can’t you be over someone and also still feel a way? They further pressed the hot button issue by making a very strong point about how we love each other. If your friendship is genuine, why wouldn’t you want them to be happy? Are there stipulations to the rule?

There is something to be said about releasing people energetically to live and live as they so desire. Short of an abusive ex, or a cheater – it’s really between your friend and his or her conscious to decide what’s right for their own heart. After thorough consideration I’ve decided that, my ex can most certainly date one of my friends if that is where both of them want to take things. I draw the line at my best friend – that’s a little too close. And I probably won’t be double dating with the new happy couple either. But at the end of the day, love is love and who am I to stand in the way of someone’s happiness.

Could you let your ex date your friend?
Where do you draw the line?