Let's face it - online dating is a thing and a lot of people loathe it. Longing for the days we all heard about when fate would find two single people in the cereal aisle, who would fall in love near the produce. Instead many are waiting on their Amazon prime delivery, while spending hours swiping left and swiping right in hopes of finding love in a virtual grocery store. After the initial three secconds of excitement wear off the daunting reality sets in, you now have to talk to this picture you liked. Many start to worry, How do I stand out amongst the 38,000 people on this app? How can I come off cool but not crazy, funny but not a fool, charming but avoid being cheesy. All of this and you are still staring at the screen.
Why is dating and making a connection online so hard?
It’s not that your profile pictures aren’t popping (long as they are clear, shows YOUR face, throw in a full body shot too, that helps) you are good.
The sobering reality is communication is the #1 challenge in relationships. Fine, brilliant, nice smelling people who are fluent in English are in front of each other and struggling to communicate. Online it only gets harder because virtual communication leaves out over 90% of the essential foundation for effective communication, tone(60%) & body language(30%). Thus leaving your romantic fate resting squarely upon the remain 10% of communication, WORDS. It’s not what you say it’s how you say it still rings true, except in this case it’s WHAT you SAY and HOW they interpret it without your charming, witty self in front of them, that usually makes or breaks the connection.
So here are 5 ways to make a real connection online and increase your odds of connecting.
Remember 1st words are lasting words
You only have pictures and a few words to make a memorable connection. Not to mention whatever you say will be on the internet forever. So during the initial contact keep it simple - Hello, Hi, Good Morning, followed by something like, what are you looking forward to today? You get the point? Say something that opens the dialogue. Forego terms of endearment such as baby, sweetie, honey at the beginning. Even if you are convinced that this is the love of your life - forego that admission until in person.
Beautiful HUMAN Beings are ONLINE
Honor the reality that just like there is a beautiful person reading this blog right now - the person in the profile is a human being with hopes, dreams, fears and frustrations just like you. Sometimes the informality and the fact that we are connecting through a device causes people to lose sight of the reality that we are interacting with people, through things.
Reading is FUNdamental
Read the profile, or at least scan the pictures and captions to look for common interesting facts or things you can open the discussion with. Oh I see you like museums? Is red you favorite color? You look nice in that red shirt. A little due diligence and observation can go a long way to show sincere interests. Asking questions that are shared in the profile will get you NO cool points. In fact you may get some deductions.
Take it from ONLINE to OFFLINE
Remember the goal is not to DATE online. It’s to meet online and take it offline as quickly as possible to see if there is enough interest to meet for a date. So while you can ask deep and insightful questions to uncover the hopes, dreams and childhood fears of your internet interest, keep the questions to things that can be address in a few sentences. Once you have gone back and forth a few times offer to take it offline. “Hey I’d love to hear the voice behind this handsome/beautiful face. Are you open to that? Wait on a response and offer your number?
I repeat Move the conversation to offline as soon as possible. The longer it stays virtual the more opportunity you have to create a fantasy person. Which often sets you up to be disappointed, because while online you give them a voice in your head but it is a product of your imagination. It is often very different in reality, besides had you actually met him/her in the cereal aisle you would have given your number with significantly less information than you have right now.
The truth is online dating doesn’t have to suck. Trust your self, pass no judgements on the method you use to find your forever partner. When you are standing at the altar or wrapped in their warmth and love of your soul-mate will you be mad you connected online? Billions of people are online, so it makes perfect sense that your partner could be too. Just remember that communication is challenging in person with all of your charm, but online communication leaves out body language and tone which is literally around 90% of communication. Words are remaining so the opportunity for miscommunication skyrockets. So to increase your odds stay true to you and take more shots️.
What do you think makes dating online suck?